I wrote my very first post 9 months ago, and planned to write often. Even though I had an abundance amount of love and support, I found it very hard to share. I really do appreciate and love you all. Thank you for all your comments, encouragement, and for supporting me on this journey. It is a hard one for me, but I know I want to do it. Pushing myself do it, and not worrying about what others think is the hardest part.
May is my most favorite month, but it is also my hardest and saddest month. It’s my favorite month because, I get to celebrate my birthday, so of course that makes me happy! I have always loved my birthday; it’s the one day that it can be all about ME. Ha Ha! I know it’s not common to love your birthday, but i do. Over the last few years i have become less and less excited about my birthday for many reasons. My birthday is always a couple days before, after, or sometimes on Mother’s Day. It never bothered me growing up when the two fell on the same day. My mom always made it a special day, and I always made sure to make it just as special for her, since it is about her being my mom.
Last year I was having a really hard time with my Birthday being on Mother’s Day and was struggling to be excited like I usually am. But, I have the very best family and friends and they made me feel so loved. It was the best birthday and it was exactly what i needed at the time. I can’t even express in words how much joy and happiness I felt on that day. It made the hurt and sadness I was feeling leave for a time.
May is also the hardest and saddest month for me. I am not looking for sympathy, but I want to share some thoughts. I CAN’T WAIT to be a Mom, and most often I doubt that it will happen. I know there is a plan and I HOPE that being a Mom is in that plan. At times I feel like I have been left behind. Everyone around me has kids, and I’m so happy they do. I just want the chance to be a Mom, to hold a sweet new baby and know they are mine to love forever, and to feel the things only a Mom can feel.
Eight years ago i became an Aunt, and it was one of the happiest and best days in my life. I now have five beautiful nieces, and they fill a huge part of my heart with so much happiness, love, and Joy. I also, have several friends that have let me be “Aunt” to their little ones, and I love it. I know that while i’m not a Mom right now, I can still give love to those little ones around me, even when I feel like a part of my heart is missing.
I try not to think about the things I am missing out on, but its hard not to, and especially around Mother’s Day. We all have heartache, and pains. I know there are far worse things in this life that hurt, but this is my heartache. I long for the day to feel the Joy that comes in being a Mom. I know I can find Joy through this trial, no matter how hard it is.
I have been blessed with so many women in my life that have been the greatest examples of Motherhood and love. I’m going to find Joy in celebrating them and being grateful for the things they have taught me.
A couple years ago a friend of mine shared with me a tradition that her husband started for her when they were struggling with infertility. Mother’s Day became Best Friend’s Day! A day to celebrate their marriage and friendship, and focus on all the many blessings that they had rather than the one they didn’t. My husband and I started this tradition that year and it has become one of the best days. It brings sunshine and light to a hard day. I’m so happy I have him as my best friend and we can celebrate our marriage and friendship.
So even though this is a hard time, I find it a small blessing that my Birthday is so close to Mother’s Day. I still get to celebrate and feel love on a day that brings me some heartache. My Father in Heaven knew I would need to have Mother’s Day and my birthday so close together. I am so grateful for my Mom, Mother in law, Grandma, sisters, aunts, cousins, and friends who are the most amazing Moms! I know that if I stay the course beautiful things will unfold. I am also blessed to have married my best friend and I know we are in this together.
We all have different experiences and trials in life. If this is your trial right now and you’re struggling, my heart is with you. Know you are not alone. YOU CAN DO HARD THINGS, even if it doesn’t feel like it.